Another Day Another Tap on the Shell

I don’t know why I’m terrible at keeping in touch.  It seems like the life three inches from my nose, reaches up and throttles my face when I think.. Oh hey, I should give <xyz> a call.. I’ve been thinking of them lately and it’s been a long time since I talked to them.. and I know they don’t really email.. and I haven’t really been good at that either.. especially since I started working the insanity shift, and they blocked google.. >.>  I would call while I commute.. at 2 in the afternoon, but talking with the windows down is tricky and “huh?” filled at best.. with the windows up, in a dark leather lined car, with no a/c, and no working vents, in 108 degrees of traffic..  =/  Makes me tired to think about.  And mandatory over time until further notice starting at 3am will make any human tired enough.  That and trying to cope with a suddenly unmedicated anxiety issue..

The other bit that plays into it, is likely that I’ve never seen how people keep in touch.  I went to a different school for nearly every year I went to school at all, and never kept in touch with more than one or two people for maybe a year or two at best.  My mother certainly doesn’t keep in touch with anyone, and I’ve not been around my father enough to know if he does.  For most of my life he didn’t even really keep up with me.  (not personally anyway.. updates through mom don’t count.)

And even though anyone I’ve known might be confused to suddenly hear from the vanished, and understandably so, I want them to hear from me.  There’s a group of people that I miss more than I’ve really been able to put to words.. It’s like a sore space in my core.  Like a loss I never let myself grieve..

I suppose at worst, they can tell me to step off, and I’ll just have different things to write about. (though sadness rarely breeds the desire to do anything at all) Or I can return to my life as a cog in an ever streamlining, assembly process.

When you’ve never really had friends before, then find some, and lose them… it’s one of the strangest feelings..  But I remain hopeful.  =^.^=  And we’ll see what happens.


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